Throw Emotions in Blender and Puree until Well Mixed

Yesterday Al and I went to visit a group home nearby. We are going on a trip this summer and we need a place for Daniel to stay. It gets very difficult for us to arrange our staff/volunteers for an entire week. If one person is unable to help, it can all fall apart. And watching Daniel isn't for everybody. It requires a lot of energy to keep up with him!

I'm feeling a whole range of emotions since our visit. I am scared to leave Daniel with people I don't know very well. I know that they are trained, I know they have all had a background check...I also know that a background check is no guarantee they won't hurt a child. Daniel isn't able to tell me if he is being mistreated. It's frightening for me.

I'm also feeling relief. It's nice to find a place where Daniel will actually fit in. I was very, very impressed with the home and the staff that was there. The house is perfectly set up for Daniel's needs. (I wish WE could live there!) If you know Daniel, you will be impressed by the kitchen set up--they have their refrigerator in a locked, walk-in pantry! There is a huge, fenced backyard with a nice swingset. They even have a sensory room. The staff will take Daniel on little trips out into the community the week that he is there. They can take him swimming, take him to McDonald's....I think he is going to have a good time. I'm trying to think of it as a little vacation for Daniel. Maybe he'll enjoy having a break from us!

So I'm trying to sort through it all. I know being a parent involves learning to let go, but it always seems premature and painful with Daniel. None of the parenting books tell you how to put your 2 year old on the bus for the first time, what to do when you visit your 3 year old at school and they don't recognize you, or how to prepare for the possibilty that your child will live in a group home before they finish high school. As always, I take one day at a time. When it's a bad day, I hope that tomorrow will be better. I'm very thankful for the good days. We've had a lot of those lately. Praise God!